Today’s post is about something that has been on my mind for some time, but what really motivated me to write about it was a convo I had with my friend Dapo*. Dapo told me that he wanted to breeak up with his girlfriend. I was shocked because I knew he really liked her and they hadn’t been dating for long.
About 3 months ago, Dapo met Toyin* at an event,he liked what he saw he asked her out on a date. For their first date he took her out for dinner at a 100-dollar a plate restaurant (Omo Baba Olowo and all). He obviously wasn’t expecting her to offer to share the bill because he was the one that asked her out. 3 weeks later, they started dating officially. Whenever they went out together Dapo would foot the bill. Whether it was an expensive restaurant, a movie or just 50 dirhams (14 dollars) KFC. Dapo was starting to get ticked of when Toyin never offered to pay for even the littlest of things. However, this was not what made him decide to end the relationship. Last Saturday, they made plans to go skiing. First of all though, they would go to the salon so Toyin could do her hair. Early in the morning they set off. In the cab, Dapo noticed that all she had in her hand was her phone and her purse. He asked her where the weave she wanted to do was and she told him she had arranged everything with the hair dresser. Roughly 3 hours later, Toyin had finished her hair and was looking all fancy (as a Toyin). Dapo stood up, getting ready to leave. Then Toyin asked the hair dresser how much the bill was. The bill was 720 dirhams (200 dollars) The next thing he knew Toyin turned to him and said “Dapo, please give her 700 dirhams, lets be going”
At this point, I was too shocked for words. What??? Both Toyin* and Dapo* are students, and from every indication Toyin’s parents are just as wealthy as Dapo’s. So it’s not like she couldn’t afford to pay for her hair. So why is it her boyfriend’s responsibility?
It’ll start with weave, next thing he is changing your wardrobe, then buying TV for you, then buying DSTV before he knows it he will be paying your siblings’ fees. That’s just bad behaviour.Are boyfriends now breathing ATMs? Did someone forget to give me the memo? Your boyfriend should take care of you and all t, that’s fine. But you shouldn’t just sit there and be tapping money from him like you have won the lottery. When you were single weren’t you taking care of yourself? Where you not eating? Who was paying then? Now you have a boyfriend suddenly, you are is responbility? No way, Jose.
To quote Steve Harvey “KNOW THIS: It is your right to expect that a man will pay for your dinner, your movie ticket, your club entry fee, or whatever else he has to pay for in exhange for your time.” I’m not disputing that, but courtesy demands that you at least offer to spilt the bill. It’s also a matter of pride, let the guy know that there is nothing, nothing at all he is getting for you that you can’t get yourself. I know some of you are thinking “Feminist” forget feminism guys themselves like it when girls offer to pay, it makes the even want to spend more ( Well some guys sha) Obviously, a guy is supposed to take care of you. but there is a thing line between being pampered by your boyfriend and using him as a human wallet.
This is where I shut up, but to the ladies guilty of this, please check yourself, and to those who are being taken care of by their man but are still willing to take some responsibility, Bless you and goodnight.